November 2009. I'm Bill.

I had terrible acne as a kid. I stuttered badly. I've since cured myself of both these afflictions but the damage was done...by Betsy Mulligan, who called me "crater face" every time she saw me until the last time she saw me (he-he-he). The damage was done by Alicia Kronow, who sat on me in the play ground and wouldn't let me up until I could tell her to let me go without stuttering. She's still out there somewhere, old like me and with kids like me, probably. The damage was done by Marni Zorenka and three of her girl and boyfriends who would hold me down and pee on me. As far as I'm concerned, from the time I turned twenty-five, it's been payback time...and I've been paying them back in spades. And my mom...oh boy, my mom...talk about hard love...or how about just "hard"... I don't think I've ever been able to please her with a single thing I've ever done in my life. I try not to visit mom and when I do I don't say much. She triggers my dark side faster and more intensely than anyone and she's about the only one who can send me spiraling completely out of control...and that's dangerous for a guy who like me who doesn't plan to die in a State institution with a needle stuck in his arm.

They just executed the D.C. sniper the other day, the older guy, not the shooter, but the one who apparently "influenced" the teenaged shooter. Wasn't even big news in my neck of the woods. I call it institutionalized revenge. You fucked us, so we're gonna fuck you. You can do that when you're in power. Like the Ayatollah in Iran. Wanna see what I see when I do what I do? Click here, Iran has made all of us an accomplice in a senseless murder. Her name was Neda. How is that different from what I do? Because it was sanctioned by the guys in power. I should have gone into the Ayatollah business. And why her? I mean, I'm sick and she's right in there with the ones I like...so maybe someone like me did kill Neda, because she certainly did not deserve to be killed by the State, if any of us deserve that final act of revenge. What does anybody learn from this? We learn to kill. It's getting crowded in business. It's always been crowded. That's why it's so easy for me to survive. At least one more day...

Bill, November 2009